There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
