i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
