Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
