Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
