It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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