I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
