our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
