Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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