Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize