you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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