i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
