Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
