So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize