apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
