Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize