I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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