Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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