I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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