does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
