my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
