i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize