it was like eating out sand paper
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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