my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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