Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
