So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
