i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God, I missed his penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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