So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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