Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
