trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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