I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
