"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
