I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
