Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
