I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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