got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
