i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize