Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
