either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
