omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
