hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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