it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found the puke drawer
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
