i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
