Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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