the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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