dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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