Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
