it hurts more in the daytime
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We had to coat check the pizza.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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