Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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