i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
