i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
