from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
