last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
