I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
