I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
