Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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