yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
