saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me I should be a condom model.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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