tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
