Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
