we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
