she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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