Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
