I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
