how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
