I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
