he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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