The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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