I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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