YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
