I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
