I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
