So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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