those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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