I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
