apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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