U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
