How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
