addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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