if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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