Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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