when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
