dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
