My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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