I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
