Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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