You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
