We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bring me that man meat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
